Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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