drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
