Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
