I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Holy sore nipples Batman
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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