I wanna passion pit in your ass
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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