guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
