Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
