I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think i got beer on your cat.
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