in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
