In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
