there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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