He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
