What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
