My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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