My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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