He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The Olympian is in my bed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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