so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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