Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
