There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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