3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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