Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
