i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
