I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
