I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
