awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
