My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
