our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
