i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
