you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
