Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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