Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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