I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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