Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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