we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I still have a little drunk in my system
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
