Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
