Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
