Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
