I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
