I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
