i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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