i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
