Sponge bath it is.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
