alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You are a genius and a whore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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