So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
