o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
