She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
