I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
