when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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