I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
