True but thats because hes a fetus.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
