So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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