I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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