oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
