I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
